Tiny Hands, Big Lessons: Deepening My Theraplay Practice Through Parenthood

Becoming a parent has transformed me in ways I didn’t anticipate. I expected the lack of sleep, the overwhelming love, and the steep learning curve—but what caught me off guard was how much it shifted the way I view my work as a therapist. Holding my baby in my arms, learning her cues, and watching our bond unfold moment by moment has stirred something deep in me.

Lately, I find myself thinking more and more about Theraplay—a play-based therapeutic support that focuses on building and strengthening the parent-child relationship. Developed from the natural interactions between parent and child, it’s a modality I’ve always respected. But lately, it’s taken on a new meaning for me. Becoming a parent has given me a different perspective—one that’s more personal, more real as now I’m living these moments every day.

THE POWER OF CONNECTION

Theraplay is based on the idea that healing happens through relationship—through playful, attuned, fun, and safe interactions that help a child feel seen, soothed, and secure. It’s structured around the kinds of exchanges that build healthy attachment: eye contact, rhythm, shared joy, movement, voice, and touch. And as I navigate life with my daughter, I’m seeing those moments in real time: the magic of a shared smile, the soothing power of a gentle hand on her forehead or chest as she settles, the grounding nature of our developing routine. It’s made me realise that these small, ordinary moments are anything but small. They are shaping how she begins to make sense of the world—and of herself as a unique little person within it.

“These small, ordinary moments are anything but small. They are shaping how she begins to make sense of the world—and of herself as a unique little person within it.”

THE FOUR DIMENSIONS

Theraplay is built on four core dimensions, each reflecting the essential elements of a healthy relationship. As a parent, I’m now experiencing these dimensions every day.

1. STRUCTURE

I’ve seen how predictable rhythms—naps and our bedtime routine—offer my baby a sense of safety. In therapy, structure functions as a container—it sets clear, safe boundaries that help children feel secure, which in turn promotes self-regulation. It’s the reassurance that the adult is in charge, allowing the child to be a child, knowing they can rely on the adult to care for them. 

2. ENGAGEMENT:

There’s nothing quite like the moment your baby locks eyes with you, smiles or coos in response. That spark of mutual delight is engagement. In therapy, it’s where trust is built—through playful interaction that says, I see you, I like being with you, and you matter.

3. NURTURE:

Rocking her when she cries, softening my voice to meet her distress, holding her close against my body, learning how to be her calm—these are moments of nurture. And they’ve deepened my respect for how Theraplay holds space for children who missed out on these early life experiences.

4. CHALLENGE:

Watching her develop her strength while lying on her tummy, reach for things, miss and try again —this is how confidence grows. In Theraplay, we gently stretch children’s abilities within the safety of a secure relationship. We show them they can do hard things—and that we’ll be there as they try.

LEARNING THE POWER OF REPAIR

Something else I’ve learned—and continue to learn—is that connection isn’t about being perfect. I don’t always get it right. Sometimes I miss her cues. Sometimes I feel distracted or overtired. And sometimes, she just needs space—to wriggle and play on her own, to find her own rhythms, to briefly self-soothe. I’ve come to realise that presence doesn’t mean constant interaction. It means attunement. It means knowing when to engage, and when to gently step back. This is something I find hard at times. As an occupational therapist, I’m so used to helping families find solutions—to fix, support, and offer a path forward. But parenting has reminded me that not everything needs to be solved. There isn’t always a clear answer, and sometimes, what’s needed most is simply to be there. To sit with the discomfort. To stay present when emotions are high.

And the most powerful lesson of all? She’s forgiving. So incredibly forgiving. There are plenty of moments when I don’t get it right. But when I slow down, offer comfort, or simply try again—she lets me in. The repair isn’t always graceful. It’s those imperfect moments of reconnection that feel the most meaningful. Not because I did it perfectly, but because I gave it another go.

This has made me reflect on the concept of the “good enough parent”, introduced by British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. He observed that children don’t need flawless caregivers—they need caregivers who are reliably present, attuned enough, and who are willing to repair when things go wrong. The “good enough” parent adapts sensitively to their baby’s needs, but also allows room for frustration, independence, and resilience to develop over time. Research building on Winnicott’s theory suggests that parents only need to be attuned to their child’s emotional needs about 30% of the time, as long as they consistently repair moments of disconnection—highlighting that secure attachment is built through good enough, not perfect, parenting.

That idea has given me enormous comfort. It reminds me that rupture is not the enemy. It’s part of the dance of attachment. And the repair—the return, the reconnection—is where trust is deepened.

What’s Changed for Me

Parenthood has made me more attuned, more open-hearted, and more convinced than ever of the need to build strong, secure relationships in our work with children. Becoming a mum has given me a profound new appreciation for the power of present moment connection—something that sits at the very heart of Theraplay. These sessions are built around shared, in-the-moment experiences that foster safety, joy, and deep connection between parent and child. As I prepare to return to practice in August, I know Theraplay will have a more central place in my work. I want to spotlight it—not just as a therapeutic tool, but as a way of being. I want to create spaces where children feel safe, understood, and joyful in relationship. And I want to support the adults around them—parents, carers, teachers—in building those bonds too. And Theraplay makes that possible.